MASKED...!

Afterall, it’s the very hide-it-all attitude that carried him so far. From the times immemorial he has punctuated with people who never-ever shared his interests. He respected for old, loved the young, and smiled for his likes. But today a certain set of not so popular words caught his sight. It is a story, real and not so reel, of a young but old boy who caught in his confusion turned his life upside down until today. I hope you are reading still and might want to question about the use of so many contradictions and but(s). To give a clearer picture, lets move along his life.

Sitting near the edge of a weird triangular table, dawning 35 years old him sipped tea from his coffee. He had asked his wife to get him some coffee, never mind!, she excused herself with only tea available kind of something. Weird, hush, interesting triangular table sat cross legged mocking him loud in his face. It was another of those high priced, good for nothing goods he had made himself used to. His wife loved the society they habituated, and he loathed it with equal intensity. His emotions and words travelled parellel to his wife’s with the speed of light, no doubt one heading south and the other aiming north. But airing such wisp of notions was surely macabre of his debonair outlook.


When he was young he asked his mother once, whether he was born to lead or follow. “Not born, made!”, she inspired him to lead but with traditional permutations and combinations.
He wanted to attend theater, he was forced to operas. He liked kebabs, but managed with garden salad.
His mind turned into a small closet, with no private or public keys, just an inner hole that bore deep in his heart. He tried but failed to walk his mind.
And still, no appreciation. He looked up to every body’s need but him..!
I read in a book (hearty thanks to one of my co-writers here), “a man who lugs up the hill only to learn that its full of rocks”, surely makes an applauded entry here.

Tending to darkness his life, he was forced to tend only white. No matter what he thought, he followed the people’s word around. Weighed people’s opinion more than his own.
Last night, even his love for a child collapsed all virtual tents when his wife talked hours of family planning.

Standing up from the mist of yesterday’s fight, he remembered the need to dress. He picked up a newspaper on his way to busy his journey and continued walking. The rage already setting in. Probably he was made to settle with everything but his long desire of a child being washed with bitter detergent, filled him with rage. He read, “a 50 year old killed his wife on their 25th anniversary”.
The doors of metro opened and closed, but now those fraction of seconds meant a whole new thoughtful world.
He entered and smiled.
At last I thought, finally this can be his last session!

Narrating the last night’s incident, a courage fight, thanks to me. A mischievous smile comes to his face, “Doc”, he said. “ I am going to kill”. I got up from my chair, walked to the window, and suddenly I realized he talked of killing. My sudden turn, made him shift. Clearing my doubts, he told me, “he is going to kill what people think, what people think they know and what they think I am ought to make out of myself”. I was moved, that what I thought – a changed man, confident of his being. His cheeks glowed of his newly discovered confidence, my chest aired of proud. No more cockcrows, no more rancor; just a changed man, fully confident of his being! No more it was about the parenthood he wanted, no more it was about the unnecessary triangular tables, I was amazed how could just a short death of one’s deepest desire could actually change people’s lives and absolutely trigger the very thought I could not manage in six months. But finally, he was a new man dreaming high and ready to work for his dreams, and thats what I thought – a changed man, confident of his being!

I had seen so many patients and all proved the same thing, nothing more than a small incident coupled their life with emotions, desire, and the strength to fulfill these. My sessions were simply a back end driving force. He walked out, and before leaving asked me for a final appointment. He wished to narrate his new life as a life.

My excitement took a leap, as the time neared. He was standing on the door with a new self. He entered and took his seat, not the usual couch where he laid talking all about his life. He took a seat in front of my desk. “I watched three theatres in a row and got home late”, he said. He wrote his new project and left his job. Absolutely new, thats what I thought- a changed man, confident of his being. Not just this, he managed an outdoor late night party with his friends. And of course they too were amazed by his outward self. On and on he went about his stories full of life. Deep into the satisfaction of another cured patient, a changed man I thought, confident of his being, I realized that he suddenly shifted the course of his conversation. Huh? It involved me. Thats what I thought – a changed man, confident of his being, until this moment, when he had come down to my cabin for his last scheduled psychotherapy treatment- he said he has fallen for me. Alas! Still a followed man!